I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
