Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
