I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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