Redeem this text for a blowjob
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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