More tranny stories later!
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
