so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
