he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
