Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
