U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
