none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
