Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
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remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
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Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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