you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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