i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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