I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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