So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
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Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
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THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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