Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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