How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
You're like the curious george of whores
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
