i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Randomize
