EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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