well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
We got so high we made milksteak
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
