My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Two words: blizzard sex
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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