My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
