I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
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