did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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