They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Randomize
