Don't make out with my wife yet
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
