The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
