You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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