Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
40s are totally the cure
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
