If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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