ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
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Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
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She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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