Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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