So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
