i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
