I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
