I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
