Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
