My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
