brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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