I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
