Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
