p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
