Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Randomize
