I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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