doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I need to sanitize my soul.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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