a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
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I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
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We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
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