Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
