i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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