ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Randomize
