do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
