She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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