Already got asked if we're dating
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
