Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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