I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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