My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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