is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
