i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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