You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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