So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
