Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
