New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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