Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
