Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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