Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Boobs speak an international language.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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