I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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