So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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