Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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