She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
