If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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