the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
