What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
