9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
