if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
