Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize