Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.