Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.