i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm sobbing to NWA
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
