Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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