OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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