So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
