You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
