I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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